Last week, I had a disagreement with a friend.
I hate confrontation. Really, really hate it. And I find that I'm only comfortable enough to confront someone when I feel a certain way. For many people, that might be when they find themselves fed up. You know, that "straw that broke the camel's back" situation. Or when they have no more fucks left to give.
But for me, it doesn't matter how over it I am, how upset I may be, or how close I am to blowing my top. I just. don't. like. confrontation.
It's a funny thing, really, considering the work that I choose to do is somehow all about confrontation.
But strangely enough, no matter how personal the pushback I’m getting from folks who engage with my work may be, since it’s based in my very real identities and lived experiences, I’m very rarely clapping back at a single person. That makes it easier for me. The targets of my ire are systems of oppression and the actions of people who uphold them... not the actual people.
So when I get into a place where I have perceived a difference, a point of contention, or disagreement, I always have to check in deeply with myself. Because confronting someone... some one person, takes a lot out of me. It activates so much of my trauma, of my negative history, of my fears.
That deep self check I do consists of several questions:
- How much do I really care?
- What is my relationship to this person?
- What is my desired outcome?
4. Am I prepared for what comes next?
What am I actually asking myself with these questions?
All my big, fat love,
I wanted to offer you this heads up: The Fat Freedom Group Read Membership is kicking off starting May 16 with "Fat Girls in Black Bodies: Creating Communities of Our Own" by Dr. Joy Cox.
This means that I'm going to be sending a few emails out to explain more about what the Group Read Membership is all about, answering any questions folks may have along the way.
If you're sure that you don't want to join in or receive more mailings about this round of the Group Read Membership, then click this link to Opt Out of this promotion cycle without having to unsubscribe completely. (You may still see notes about it at the bottom of newsletters, but nothing more.)
More Invitation Here!
I've been podcasting for quite a long time now, although wildly infrequently.
I'm so very thankful that you, yes you, decide to take your precious time and listen to the stuff I create!
So I recorded this über short bonus episode in order to invite you to an opportunity to spread more fat joy.
Listen in now by clicking here or wherever fine podcasts are listened to by you.